Something's Gotta Give

The road...I can see a little bit, but I don't know what's around the bend.

As part of returning to the world of the working, it has once again dawned on me that if you can't have a clean house, healthy marriage, happy children, toned thighs and a wonderful career all at the same time, what can you have?

I managed to more or less cobble together a non-working life that fit me.  It took a long time, some trial and error, and perseverance.  Now that I have added what is essentially at least 50 hours of work time a week (including commute) into that mix, some things have to go.

I am in week two of return to work life and each day gets a tiny bit easier.  Still, I am sitting in messy house.  I didn't take a picture today.  I watch my husband wash dishes and he is packing the lunches and getting the kids off to school and I don't really like it.  It's all weird.

The hard stuff...I forgot that when you pick up your child from care, be it daycare, preschool (full day) or afterschool care, they have that smell.  They have a weird, unfamiliar smell much like the office film you get after a day of work.  Picking the boys up is easily the very, very best part of my day.  At the same time, it is a little heartbreaking to hug them and smell on the tops of their heads that smell that says that they weren't with me today.  I think this is something moms get, but if my wonderful husband read this he would be scratching his head.  Big Red also usually has a little smudge of something on his shirt or his face that I would have wiped off, but nobody else has noticed. I have to leave the house before they get up.  If I see them, it's too hard.  Friday morning, Big Red called me at the office before he left for school.  His small voice on the phone was almost more than I could bear.  Today, he stumbled downstairs in his footy pajamas with his big red rooster hair just as I was leaving because he wanted to see me.  Saying goodnight to them and knowing that I won't see them again until 5 pm the next day.  I don't talk about them at work, and I haven't put up any pictures of them.  For now at least, I have to disengage and compartmentalize as much as possible.  Small things are little heartbreaks for me.

By the time the boys are in bed, I am totally exhausted.  Maybe this will ease up as I get used to this life again.  I don't have any energy to quilt or knit or blog or cook.  I barely have enough energy to go through my personal email, which piles up all day.  (If I owe you a response to something, I apologize.)  I managed two short runs over the weekend, but that's it.


I know I sound like a big melodramatic whiner, but there it is.  I think we both know that I could go on, but I'm going to cut it off here.  So, I am adjusting.  It's sort of fun to use my brain, which was getting dusty.  That's the good stuff, I guess.

Are you curious about any aspects of the sahm to watom (work at the office mom) transition?  If so, let me know and I'll try to speak to it.

One thing I do find I have time for is the occasional Twitter post.  I think I am starting to think in 140 characters or less.  My Twitter feed is on the right side of this page.  I'll also try to keep the photos updated, even if I'm not writing posts.  Maybe I'll go to a weekly format?

To those of you who are still reading this blog, thanks for staying with me and thanks for all your words of support.