Is This The Last Time?

Yesterday afternoon when we returned home from a couple hours of energetic bouncing at the bouncy place, Big Red was about to pass out.  He said he wanted to have a rest with me.  This is rare, so of course I took advantage of it.  My big boy went upstairs to read or shoot hoops in his room and Big Red and I retired to the sofa.

He fell asleep almost immediately, draped across me and nuzzled in with his "fluffy dog".  We stayed like that for almost an hour.  During that time, my pinned left arm went completely numb, the sun moved in the sky so it was shining directly in both of our eyes (his closed) and he had pulled a blanket over us, so it was swelteringly hot.

No matter.

I sat there holding my baby, squeezing him to me, ruffling his hair, smelling his warm head, stroking his soft little arm and thought Is This The Last Time?

Is this the last time he wants to take a nap on me in the middle of the afternoon?  Sure, I still get a snuggle in the morning and hugs and kisses all day, but this is a completely different animal.  I can't remember the last time Tank and I napped together like that.  It has been several years.

With my free right arm, I texted, I cleaned up the address book in my blackberry and I took this photo which from my pinned spot I emailed around. 

I woke him up after about an hour.  He was disoriented.  His head was damp on the side that had been resting on me.  He was a little cranky for a few minutes.  The magic evaporated and maybe it was the last time. 

There is so much that is hard in parenting.  Only 24 hours before, I had been carrying this child kicking and screaming from a movie theater, heart racing, hot tears building behind my eyes, throat going dry.  And now here we were, suspended in silence, holding each other.  I will remember yesterday afternoon as one of life's perfect moments.  We get so few and they are so precious.  I am glad I had the free arm to take this photo to remember it by.