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Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Head versus Heart

SS hasn't been posting much lately as the intensity with which she's been wrestling the work v. no work question has escalated to a fever pitch. After all, this was supposed to be a summer hiatus, not a new life.

I interviewed last week - really threw myself into it...then got home and prayed they wouldn't call me. (and they haven't!!!)

I think I've finally articulated (after three months home) that it is a question of head versus heart. My head says that we need to save and plan (financially) for the future and we've come so far and now I'm dropping the ball, my end of the bargain, squarely on hubby and that's not fair to him. My heart, well...my heart is home, housekeeping and mothering. I think the initial decision to plunge hardcore into trying to find work was fear based. I don't want to make fear based decisions. What's the worst thing that could happen? We really will be okay.

Anyway, this wrangling and these conversations are also rather private and it's been hard to decide how much to share with y'all (even though this is really the subject of the blog).

The upshot is that "home" is now plan A and if someone makes me a fabulous offer that I want, well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. The irony is that we are set up with access to better childcare than we've ever had for both boys. HAHAHA. It's a bitter irony.

Big Red did start preschool last week, though. Two afternoons a week. He's an independant little guy. As we were pulling in to the driveway of the school he said, "I can go in by myself". When we did get in and get him all taken care of, he took the teacher's hand and never looked back. He's an old soul, that one.

So, it's off to laundry and the gym and errands and playing. And it feels just right...right now.

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